


Roommates and Locked Doors

by Lyraeon



Series: Indigo Plateau Crack!Verse [1]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: Crack, Crude Humor, Disregard for the Sanctity of the Original Work, Drabble Collection, Gen, Humor, Occasional OOC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-07 03:44:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyraeon/pseuds/Lyraeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of Crack drabbles. <br/>One of my friends is an illustrator. One night, he was over and noted me doing word wars with a friend. He offered the following challenge: "Let's do your word wars, one prompt at a time, with me drawing a sketch and you writing a drabble."<br/>A world where the PCs live in one house and the Rivals live in another was born. A very cracky, yet somehow somewhat IC, world, filled with lots of stupidity, some sex, and with questionable levels of connections to game and manga canons.<br/>This is a few scenes from that world. They may or may not be in chronological order. They also may or may not reference some of my other stories, as some of those "drabbles" came out as multi-chapter beasts themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Poptarts

**Author's Note:**

> I regret nothing.
> 
> Also, pairings list is just sort of a warning for everything that might/will be involved over the course of this series. Character list only covers people who've actually appeared. I'll update it as I add chapters and more people show up.

Silver had asked Green once why he still even pretended he lived with them, instead of with his boyfriend (and girlfriend, but Silver never mentioned her). On mornings like this, Green wondered the same thing. He got out of bed from between his two favorite faces, threw back on his pajama pants, picked Eevee up off the dresser, and wandered down to the kitchen, getting to see two hot chicks, one in short PJs and the other in a towel, along the way. And when he got to the kitchen, not only was there grape juice in the fridge still (albeit he opted for a plastic cup because he wasn't sure which dishes were clean most mornings), but in the cupboard there was a box of his favorite poptarts, completely untouched.

"..."

Except the only box inside was strawberry, which was all well and good but wasn't brown sugar, and didn't explain where the box he'd brought with him the morning before had gone, either.

He knew Leaf liked them too, so maybe she'd eaten some. But his name was *very clearly* on the box, so no one else would have dared.

He sniffed the air, noticing the familiar scent suddenly.

He looked at the toaster.

And Ethan standing in front of it.

It popped up and Ethan took out two poptarts, wrapping them in a paper towel and taking a big bite out of them, then blowing hard to vent the heat from his mouth.

That smell. Those poptarts weren't Ethan's usual strawberry... they were brown sugar.

Green stared at him for a moment, then pointed.

"Eevee, Shadow Ball!" he commanded, the shout of which caused Ethan to spin around and freeze.

The ball of dark energy struck the younger boy in the face, causing him to stagger back, then nearly choke as he forgot to continue chewing the pastry in his mouth.

"Now go get my poptarts back from that bastard."

Ethan dropped them on the counter and ran as fifteen inches of fluffy brown fox charged at him, teeth bared.

Eevee twitched his tail happily, grabbing the poptarts and trotting them back to his master, who broke off the bitten-from part and passed it to him as a reward.

This was why he didn't live here full time. Because back home, no one ate his poptarts.


	2. Egg Crack

"I seriously haven't seen Eevee anywhere since last night," Green grumbled to Red, who seemed far more concerned with the contents of the fridge. "Have you?"

"Maybe you locked him out of the room on accident and he's hiding again?" Leaf offered.

"No, he can open that door if he really cares, we all know that. I couldn't find him when we went to bed, either."

Red stared at him for a second and sighed, then looked at Pikachu, who nodded, sniffed the air, and bounded off out of the kitchen.

"Right. Great idea," Green agreed, trotting off after the yellow rat. Red took a bite out of an apple he'd found, closed the fridge, and followed after, with Leaf in tow, giggling about how that solution had been way too easy for Green not to come up with.

They arrived outside to find him on his hands and knees, peering under the porch with a confused expression. The two glanced at each other and shrugged, ducking down to get a look for themselves.

Eevee, and now Pikachu, were nestled underneath the wooden porch... with an egg. From their new angle, the other two quickly realized that Green's expression was not one of confusion... but complete and total horror.

He'd, naturally, come to the most logical conclusion he could in such a scenario, as he watched his Eevee nuzzle his cheek to Red's Pikachu's. "You're a girl?" he shouted, staring at his partner of many years. Eevee blinked and yipped back at him. He sat up and stared into space for a moment, then at his lovers.

"Did you know?" he demanded of Red, who sighed at him with an otherwise blank expression.

"Did you know?" he turned to Leaf instead, whose eyes were shining in that way that girls' do about babies and other cute things, and she simply squealed.

"My whole life has been a lie!" he cried, sitting lifelessly on the lawn, until Eevee very carefully crawled out from under the porch. "I'm... I'm so sorry buddy," he said, extending a hand to pet his pokemon. "I've been holding you to my own expectations all this time... I never stopped to think you might be a girl... Or that you might want a family..."

Pikachu came crawling out from the porch next, scooting the egg out with him carefully, sniffing it, then dashing over to climb back on Red's shoulder. He surveyed the rest of the scene nervously for a second as his trainer sighed again.

"I'm going to be an auntie!" Leaf squeaked suddenly, clapping her hands together.

"I guess it only makes sense though... You and him... me and him..." Green lulled, scratching his rather oblivious seeming Eevee behind the ears.

Red stared at them, then the egg, and shook his head, walking off in what could only be taken as disgust.

It was just the start of a long and bumpy week.

Green went home that afternoon, just for a few hours, and came back with a small suitcase filled with clothes, and a shopping bag with bottles and formula. Red had picked up the bag upon his return and looked through it, while Leaf set about re-arranging Red's dresser to fit Green's things in one drawer. The black-haired boy walked over and stopped her, pushing the suitcase under the bed with one foot instead. He then returned to Green, who was carefully lining a small box with blankets and setting the egg inside. He looked at him, at the bag of formula, at the pink egg, and finally at Eevee.

Green followed the pattern, eyes going wide as both of their stares landed back on the bag.

"Right!" he spouted. "Damn, I'm a moron. We won't need formula, the mother's here."

Red stared at him for a minute and thrust the bag back into his hand, shaking his head as he left the room, Pikachu at his heels.

"I know, Red!" Green hollered down the hall behind him, "It's been hard for me to deal with this, too! But we've got to stick together on this."

He receded down the stairs without a word.

Leaf sighed from her seat on the bed, squeezing her Jigglypuff slightly. "Oh Puff, why do boys have to be so weird about these things?"

A week later the waiting part of the ordeal was nearly over, with whoever was in the egg making soft noises, which Pikachu had taken it upon himself to answer – by apparently telling long stories to it, from the sounds of how he was going on, tapping the egg occasionally with one paw.

They'd brought the egg and its shallow box down to the living room as soon as it had started jiggling, wanting everyone to be able to see. The boys had mostly wandered back out of the room after the first uneventful half hour, asking to be called back once the "ball of fluff" was actually born. The girls on the other hand had stayed, as little was cuter than a newborn Eevee... and they all had their own opinions on what the baby should be named, of course.

Just as even some of the girls were starting to fall asleep on the couches, the egg finally started to crack. Eevee and Puff both ran over to join Pikachu next to it, their trainers crouched nearby with varying degrees of interest and anticipation.

There was an audible silence as the egg split open... and a pale, almost white, foot came out. Followed by a similar hand.

"Uh..." one of the girls said from behind Leaf, "I don't think that's an Eevee."

The Igglybuff finished making its way out of the shell, Pikachu using his tail to push the shell away afterwords, and looked around, stunned, with its big green eyes.

Everyone looked at Green, who looked as though his eyes might fall out of his face from shock. "Eevee... You've been cheating on Pikachu?" he shouted, watching the elastic baby as it toddled unsteadily.

Red's gloved palm collided with the side of Green's head with a rather painful THWACK. Green winced and was about to demand what the hell his boyfriend's problem was, but the answer was already waiting in the form of a pointed finger.

Toward where Puff was kissing Pikachu on the cheek, who in turn was patting the newborn on the head cheerfully.

Leaf was immediately thrilled, of course; coos of how happy she was for the pair and how cute their baby was floated from her, as she and Red crouched beside their pokemon and congratulated them.

Eevee licked Green's cheek sympathetically. It was a shock, for sure, but he'd get over it... After all, Eevee had managed to get over it a week before, when he'd been asked to babysit.


	3. Breakfast with Bob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red is scared away from his breakfast by Blake's lack of social graces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This deserves the clarification that I have substituted the names "Blake" and "Winnie" for Black and White for the time being... because I wanted to write them but couldn't take their color names seriously... and Hilda and Hilbert are worse.

"'Morning Red!"

He grunted in response, not really looking up from his cereal as Blake plodded into the kitchen.

"Grape Nuts again?" he observed, the cupboard squeaking as he swung it open. "You eat the same thing every morning, don't you?"

Red looked up at his roommate, who was raiding the cabinets in not but a pale blue set of boxers and his baseball cap. It was a sight which made him sigh and look back to his food, scooping another bite.

"Guess I can't really say much though. It's always poptarts for me." He held the box above his head, victorious, and trotted over to the toaster.

Red looked up, wondering passively what flavor he was eating today. Green liked poptarts, and it would keep him from having to buy more for him if they were a decent flavor.

As Blake spun back around from the toaster, it was not pastries that caught Red's eye. No. It was an extra visitor, one he didn't need to see this early in the morning.

He wandered over the table and leaned over it near Red, digging through the pile of newspapers, bringing his problem obnoxiously close.

At this stage, Blake's halfmast morning wood was bobbing, thankfully covered but still apparent, just a couple of feet from Red's hands and thus cereal. He cringed and pulled his cereal closer to him, tilting his head to try and keep his hat in the way of the awful sight.

It wasn't working very well.

"You okay?" he asked, watching his roommate recoil, oblivious to the source of his terror. Red simply nodded stiffly. "If you say so."

He shrugged and leaned back up off the table, tossing the comic section he'd retrieved onto the other side of the table. Just as he started to turn miserably back into view, the toaster popped and he turned back to it, leaving Red to sigh in relief.

A moment later, the fridge opened. "Oh good, we've got OJ again. You want some, Red?"

He shook his head, not looking up.

"Well, I'm having some OJ. Maybe that's why you're not feeling well though. You probably need more fruit. I only ever see you eat... well, breakfast, now that I think about it."

Red didn't want to think about it. He wanted to eat his breakfast faster and get out of the room, but he was losing his appetite with every bob.

"Oh good god man!" came Ethan's voice from behind the kitchen table, and Red thought his savior had come. "I just bought that OJ, don't drink it all before I even get any!"

He doubted Ethan was as shameless or clueless, but looking up and seeing another of his roommates shirtless was more than enough for Red for the morning, who quickly got up, shuffled over to the sink, cleaned his dishes, and strode out of the room, all before the other boys had finished arguing about who drank the whole carton last time.

"Dude, what's his problem."

"I don't know. Guess he's just too good for us," Blake chuckled. "Just means more poptarts for us!"

"Is that strawberry? I love you man."


	4. Romantic Comedy Thursdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or, Couches part 1

Most likely, Romantic Comedy Thursdays had been Wally's idea. Anything cavity inducing or of questionable sexuality tended to be his doing. Its existence and its origins were not the surprising parts.

Its high attendance was, prompting Silver to suggest rather loudly that they move their "squishy love-fest" to their guests' house from now on, instead of trying to fit their whole household, and half the other, into their smaller living room.

Barry had informed him quite pointedly that love was a blessing and should be allowed to be wherever it wanted to be. Silver had briefly tried to make the same argument about his Feraligatr, then, satisfied his actual point had been made, gone back to cooking dinner. His own dinner. Which just happened to take most of the movie to do, from the kitchen that just happened to have a clear view of the TV.

Dawn, May, and Lyra had chosen to sit right in front of the TV, on the floor, mostly because it was the only spot left big enough for all three of them to freely squeal and hug one another at the cute parts. Not that May did that sort of thing, of course.

Brendan came along, but *only* so he wouldn't be bored at home.

Barry had the armchair to himself, where he sat frowning every time someone cursed, and blushing more and more as the movie came to a close. He'd only agreed to watch this week because they'd chosen a PG rated flick, but even it seemed a little strong for the boy's reserved tastes.

Wally looked like he was having a similar reaction, but minus the complaints. This was purely appearances, however, as the real reason for his blushing was the increasingly amorous couple next to him.

By the end of the movie, Blake and Winnie had gone from casually sitting beside each other on the couch they were sharing with Wally, to his arm around her waist, to her on his lap, to their eventual final resting place: them tangled around each other, her vest discarded, tongues getting a fantastic work out, and the movie otherwise totally forgotten.

Their shameless display had not gone unnoticed by the others, though it was only two much for one spazzy blonde resident.

"That is completely inappropriate! Kissing is one thing, but all of this activity should really be saved for marriage!" Barry had jumped up from his seat and was pointing his finger accusingly at the oldest two out of the friends.

From then on, Romantic Comedy Thursdays had, indeed, been moved to the other house, though no one was sure space was the reason.


End file.
